I went for a run today (on an empty stomach - what was I thinking?), and halfway through my miserable run (due to not eating anything since last night), I had a mind-clearing realization (and not the good kind where you become a vegan or stop drinking martinis): As of next week, I've officially been "unemployed" for six months. What a loser! I mean, I guess I could get a pass and say less than five since we landed in Oregon in mid-October. Still, I felt terrible.
We moved our life halfway across the country, but what have I done to move my life forward? Sure, I've brainstormed and crafted, cleaned and entertained, hiked and read, baked thousands of calories worth of chocolate, but I have little to show for it. I am job hunting, and it's not fruitless, but it still somehow seems discouraging. Not contributing is not how I roll. I worry that poor D is going to wake up one day and go "why am I hauling around this hundred-and-mrrumphthing pound bag of flesh around in my life?" Not that he ever would. He never, ever makes me feel bad about our current situation. Believe me, I try and find ways to make up for it, but I want to be doing more to help US.
Luckily for me, I have an AMAZING and supportive set of friends and family in addition to an awesome husband. Many of them are far away, but I'm (obviously) an embracer of technology and find a variety of ways to kvetch and moan to them from afar. (TY, dear people.)
Despite being somewhat nervous/anxious/sad/worried about my future, I cannot help but feel mostly optimistic. I don't want to jinx it, but there is a twitching encouragement in my gut that says fantastic things, even more fantastic things!, are right on the horizon. I just have to look forward and hope I can make everyone proud of me one of these days and keep counting all of my many blessings. At the end of the day, I'm a damn lucky girl.
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